Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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