I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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