just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
