i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
