Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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