I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize