I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's get the cat blown out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
