my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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