Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
