Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
