only you would photoshop your dick
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
