I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you would pick up someone in the library
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
