I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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