i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
