u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
