I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
