he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize