Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
