I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize