Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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