Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
