Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
