Who did Billy Mays play for?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
