i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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