I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize