You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
