Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
