Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
