Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
