Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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