My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
