Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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