I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
