At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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