I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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