The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
