This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish i was in the wii world.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize