I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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