You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize