Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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