I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
