Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize