Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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