Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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