Too much gin, very little bucket
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
