i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
