turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
