I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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