so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
