i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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