I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
