I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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