I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
