Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
