Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
