we made out on top of his cat.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
