i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize