six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
