life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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