I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
