so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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