How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I just sharted jello shots
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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