I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
